What's a Boy to Do

It has come to mind that it’s not quite clear what my purpose is in maintaining this “Kev’s got cancer” log. Am I am attempting to fend off a fear of unimaginable dimensions, prove to whomever that I’m keeping a stiff upper‑lip and proper “can do” attitude with this cancer diagnosis? Or, am I just a scared little boy whistling in the dark hoping to make home before the last fading light of day?
A bit of self searching has revealed a bit of different frame of reference. I have not have had what one would think of a purposeful, always on target kind of life these last 58 years. Nope, not at all, more like the blind pig finding the proverbial acorn now and again. Over the last 30 years I’ve had the pleasure to find friends with deep reserves of love, a family that I love above any I could have imagined and a career that I truly enjoy. But to acquire all of it I had to be willing to be real, emotionally open and fully present in the moment. In my book a marginal trade-off and a damn poor bet as well. But open up I did, and to much life and joy way beyond the initial investment I thought I had made at a great danger to myself.
With that in mind, I find that my cancer diagnosis is now a part of the journey of my life that I will be able to be open, real and present about. Like I’m supposed be worried that it won’t be neat and tidy and market well at Niemen’s? Did any other area of my life appear tidy and marketable? Does yours?
If you have an opportunity, listen to the “Last of the Steam‑Powered Teams” by the Kinks if you care to know how I feel at the moment. Thanks Ray Davies for your little riff on life’s enigmatic style. I’m just gonna’ keep on chugging till my dying day, which by the way is not imminent as far as I can tell.